How to Give Direct Feedback at Work (Without Being Mean)

If you’ve ever been tasked with delivering negative feedback to someone, you’ll know that it’s more anxiety-inducing than trying to fight your way on to an already overcrowded train carriage.

You’re so worried about hurting your colleague’s feelings that instead of giving feedback that will actually change their behaviour, you dilute it down into such a weak Ribena mix that they either don’t realise that they’re receiving negative feedback or they’re not sure what they’re supposed to do with the information you’re giving them.

You’ve got nice girl syndrome. But don’t worry, it’s 100% curable.

I live by three principles when it comes to feedback:

Be kind. Be direct. Be constructive.

So here’s how that works IRL, and how to give feedback that your team listens to and acts on.

Give feedback in person

When possible, always deliver negative feedback in person, or at least on a video call if you work remotely.

Without being able to observe body language and tone of voice, or being able to control the circumstances of a person’s situation when they receive feedback (if they work from home they might see a Teams message or email at a time when they’re already feeling stressed or aren’t expecting it, for example), the feedback may impact them more negatively than it would have been if you were face to face.

And of course, it goes without saying that negative feedback should always be delivered privately.

Be clear and straightforward

Do not. Sugarcoat. Feedback!

Deliver feedback clearly and provide context where relevant. This doesn’t mean being insensitive or cold, though. If you can share some positive feedback first, that will make your team member feel more at ease and not like they’re in trouble or being attacked – meaning they’re less likely to get defensive and more likely to actually absorb what you’re saying.

Focus on work, not character

Feedback should never attack someone’s personal character.

Focus on the area of work the feedback is about, not the person themselves. This makes the person more likely to be open to the feedback you’re sharing and to work on improvements.

Make the next steps clear and offer support

First and foremost, ask your team member how they feel about the feedback and how you can support them in improving things going forward.

You have no idea what might be going on in someone’s life outside of work, and so an empathetic, compassionate approach is crucial. There may even be support systems or services at your place at work that they can access.

In addition to this, if you work together to create a plan to move forward you give your team member autonomy, again making them more likely to be receptive to feedback.

And that’s exactly how to stop being nice and start giving feedback that gets heard, responded to and actually makes a difference.